A postmortem on Movember... in June

Yes, I realize that this upcoming November is closer than last November, when I paticipated in Movember. And I realize that the video below was made over three months ago, in March. Needless to say, we move slowly here. But I just came across this video again and, well, I love it.

I love the music, as does every other Andy in the world. I love the progression of pictures showing my moustache grow (at a painfully slow rate).* I love the Goulet picture(s). And I love, love, love Keith Hernandez smoking in the dugout.

*As an added bonus, I don't think my hair looks the same in any picture.

So without further ado! From the man who so gloriously recapped a fantastic New York weekend in a 6:38 video, from the man who will soon unleash an absolutely epic video of his visit to Sydney on the world(maybe?), and from the man who is long overdue to update his blog, I give you Andy and the Molestache:

Procrastinatin' with some Kleinballs while I curse myself

Well, in case there was ever any doubt, it's now official: I'm an idiot.

Somehow, over the last several weeks, I came under the very erroneous impression that Sam and Sarah were arriving this morning. I mentally circled the date in my head, and all errands and activities this week were planned so that I'd be free today to pick them up from the airport and start our two-week adventure together.

I emailed Sam and Sarah on Wednesday, the day they were gonna head off from New York... that is, if they were to arrive in Sydney on Friday morning. I told them that I couldn't believe they'd be leaving New York "today" and that I'd be waiting for them at the airport on Friday morning. I even provided this link to my post about their visit, in which I clearly say that they'd be coming on Friday morning.

Sam and Sarah responded to my email. Below are some excerpts from each of their emails:

• Email #1, from Sarah: "Still awake haven't slept yet way too pumped."
• Email #2, from Sam: "I'll confirm the flight when I get to work. I can't believe this. 2 weeks in oz baby!!"
• Email #3, from Sarah: "Can't believe we leave tomorrow!!!"

Any mention in these three emails that I was under the very wrong impression of which day they'd arrive on?? NO! In fact, Sarah's first email almost confirms my understanding. Was she so excited that she couldn't sleep two nights before she was scheduled to leave? Because that's the only way to interpret her words.

It wasn't until Sarah's last email, in which she says they'd be leaving "tomorrow" (in response to my email in which I said -- and I quote -- "Holy shit, you guys leave today. TODAY!!!") that I realized something was amiss. For not only did she say that they'd be leaving "tomorrow" (Thursday), but according to my calculations (which were based on my faulty understanding), she should have been about 30,000 feet over Colorado at the time she sent it. So I searched through my old emails, found Sam's original email with their flight info, and there it was: arrive Saturday morning. Yep, I'm an idiot.

ANYWAY.

Now I've been sitting in my apartment all day with nothing to do because I had left my schedule wide open to hang out with them. Now there's nothing. So in an effort to make the day pass, I figure I'd throw a couple of Kleinballs out there.

Man beats up 'kangaroo Jackie Chan' in house. A good and intriguing headline, no doubt, but after reading this story, my lord, the possibilities are endless! Someone get the New York Post on the phone! A few options that I very hastily came up with in about 3.4 seconds:

• Man confuses kangaroo with lunatic ninja, goes Seven Samurai on its ass.
• Kangaroo shreds mans underpants.
• Chef cooks kangaroo, kangaroo's cousin attempts to exact revenge on chef's family.

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that these all could use some work -- I swear I used to be good at writing headlines -- but there are some beautiful tidbits in that article. One thing's for sure: only in Australia.

Peanut butter sales are plummeting. I've had nightmares about this. (Wait, maybe this is a good thing? All the more for me to horde?)

You may remember my Movember adventure from last November, and that for those people who donated on my behalf, I sent out a daily email with pictures of my slow-to-grow moustache. Robert, who will himself be landing here in exactly one week's time -- and don't worry, I'm positive of this date -- put together the following brilliant video that chronicles my 'stache:

This baseball off-season, if the Red Sox had signed CC Sabathia to anything comparable to what the Yankees ultimately signed him for, I would have been furious. Insanely overweight pitchers (and he's the second heaviest in baseball!!!) with huge workloads over the past two seasons (including many starts on three days rest late last year) don't exactly have the best track record one, two or seven years into the future. So I was all for the Yankees signing him to that albatross of a deal: $161 million over seven years. Anyway, I know it's only Spring Training,* but nonetheless, this pleases me to no end. Let the glorious revisionist history begin.

*And of all people, I'm the one to generally put zero stock in how players perform in March.

The National Rugby League here begins its season tonight. And just to make things really interesting in the lead-up to the season, earlier this week, one of the best players on the defending champions was accused of sexually assaulting a 17-year-old girl. As if that's not insane enough, a team executive recently had the tenacity to fault the league's salary cap for creating an atmosphere in which that might happen. Riiiiiiiiight. Anyway, I hadn't even heard of this ridiculous assertion in Australia until it was picked up by an American web site. I'm not even going to try to explain; you can read the absurd logic for yourself.

Along with the beginning of the NRL season comes the beginning of the fantasy leagues, and most of my friends in my neighborhood are all in the same league. I thought I could be bad when watching a game that had implications for me in fantasy baseball, basketball or football. But these guys... yikes. They take it to a whole new level.

I guess it's comforting to know that I'm not the craziest person out there. Just an idiot.

Back to normalcy?

It's been an interesting and strange few weeks. My Mo (finally, mercifully) filled in. The parents came into town. The parents left town. I rejoined the parents in Melbourne. We did the Great Ocean Road from Monday to Wednesday. We came back to Sydney.* We went to see Australia.** We did a wine tasting trip on Saturday. And then on Sunday, the parents left.

*After taking the first three days of the week off, I worked, ironically, on Thursday and Friday. The opposite of all you people in the US.

**Australia in Australia! Har har har!

Two notable photos from the Great Ocean Road:

"We'll get him when he comes back in!"
"He's not coming back."

My Mo and the 12 Apostles.

Having the parents here went pretty much as I expected; a range of emotions throughout their visit. It was great, it was frustrating, it was embarrassing (mostly when my dad tried to pull off a ridiculous Aussie accent), it was a welcome escape from my routine, it was exhausting. And although I admittedly felt some relief to see them off on Sunday, I immediately felt guilt. Could we have done more? Should I have let some of the more trivial things get me frustrated? This is how a visit from my parents usually goes.

Anyway, I'm back! Maybe. Movember's over, so no more daily emails to distract me. And as the parents are gone, there will be no more long days with them. Instead, I can put my head down and work, continue to search for a new job and, theoretically, post more frequently on this thing. That is, although, until I host a belated Thanksgiving meal this Sunday, then my office Christmas party the following Thursday, and then that Saturday, Justin arrives for two weeks! So, ummmm, I'm not back? Let's just put more emphasis on that "maybe" qualifier and hope for the best.

Whoa. We're halfway there.

I don't know where the time's gone, but somehow, we're halfway through Movember. And in the first 15 days of the month, I've mustered out what I'm beginning to consider a legitimate Mo. So for all those who aren't on the daily email -- and honestly, I can't understand why anyone wouldn't be on it* -- here's a sneak peak of what I just sent out to all the lovely people on that distribution list:


Ain't she a beauty? And we still have half a month to go!

*Oh, wait. Of course I know why you might not be on the daily email: you haven't donated to the cause yet! But lest you think that you can't do that anymore simply because November 1 has come and gone, I'll assure you that you absolutely can, right through to the end of the month. And it's as simple as clicking here.

Mo Money, Mo Mo!!

If I'm friends with you, if I'm acquaintances with you, if I've only met you once, hell, if I've so much as ever looked at you, I've probably already told you about Movember. But just in case you've never been in my presence, here's the pitch:

Because Aussies have some sort of socially-engrained sense of duty to abbreviate every word in the dictionary, a moustache here is called a Mo. A few years ago, some do-gooders ran with this name and claimed the second to last month of the year as Movember: 30 days for men to unite, grow a Mo, and in doing so, raise money for the Prostate Cancer Foundation and beyondblue, foundations that finance research and increase support networks for men who suffer from prostate cancer and depression.

A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that the month was approaching and I thought, Why the hell not, it's for a good cause! And with that fleeting and impetuous brainfart, I'm embarking on 30 long days of growing a Mo. In return for the countless stares and snickers that I'm surely bringing upon myself, all I ask of you is to make a donation to these foundations by simply clicking on the link below, or copying and pasting it into your web browser:
https://www.movember.com/au/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink&rego=1432361&country=au

As if you need any more reason to donate beyond the fact that your money will be going to very worthy causes, I'll give one to you: Throughout the month, I will send emails to everyone who has made a donation with daily pictures of my Mo as well as any of my thoughts, ramblings, anecdotes, etc. I might not be able to send an email every day, but it will be close to that, and for those days that I miss, the next email will contain pictures from the past day(s). Thus, you will get to see my Mo grow, from infancy all the way through to bushy greatness. How good is that??!? But remember, this is a two-way road. Only if you donate Mo Money by clicking on this link will I give you Mo Mo. So do it today!

Finally, through the magic of the World Wide Internets, I've been able to generate a likeness of myself at the end of these 30 days. Behold!


Ain't I pretty? And won't it be worth it to see this beautiful Mo grow, day by day, throughout the month? If you agree and would like to see Mo Mo -- and how could you not? -- then please click here or on the link above and donate Mo Money!