The 2009 Melbourne Cup: The official, definitive and final recap

So. Let's see. The Melbourne Cup was on November 3. Today is December 23.

Yes, I let some time go before writing about the trip (or, well, anything on here). That being said,* there is an upside to my indolence: by waiting so long – or I guess more aptly, by putting it off for so long – I can pretty much guarantee you that this is the absolute final recap on the 2009 running of the Melbourne Cup.

*I just slammed my way through Season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Brilliant, brilliant stuff. And we basically got an entire new episode of Seinfeld out of it! They certainly made up for the finale. Oh yes.

You see, as I first noted two years ago, this nation goes absolutely mad for the Melbourne Cup. Hugely mad. It's called "The race that stops a nation" for a reason. Literally, everything stops. Everyone gets in front of a TV. I wouldn't be surprised if the streets were completely deserted.* In Melbourne, the day is a public holiday!

*Problem is we'll never know, as there's no one there to check. It'll forever be up there with the whole "tree falling in the woods" conundrum.

Anyway. As I was saying. Everyone goes mad for the race. But the thing is, it comes out of nowhere. Seriously. A week prior to the race, most people in Australia couldn't name a single horse that might be running in it. Then, like a flash in the pan, everyone gets into it. The local and national news are covering it. It's on the front page of every sports section, if not the main section. It's the topic of discussion at every water cooler. People can recite the entire 24-horse field in alphabetical order, reverse alphabetical order, by age, by sex, by jockey, by trainer, by owner, by country of origin, you name it.

The race is run on a Tuesday.

And then it's over. The media dissects it on Tuesday night and Wednesday. Maybe you get a few remnants on Thursday. And that's it. Just as fast and unexpectedly as it came, it's gone. No more mentions. It's almost like it never happened.

Which brings us back to me! Seven weeks and a day after the race was run, here's my little recap of the race and day. And as the above paragraphs were meant to illustrate, in my very longwinded way, this surely has to be the last thing ever in the history of civilization to be written about the 2009 Melbourne Cup. I feel honored. And perhaps a little daunted by the responsibility.

So let's break this bad boy down thematic style.

The gambling

Yeah, I may have made some proclamations that I was gonna get ridiculously knowledgeable on the race, and I swear I made a few token attempts to do that. But for the most part, life kinda got in the way. So going into the race, my level of knowledge was at about 20% of what I would've liked. And that included zero knowledge on any of the races other than the big one.

I placed and lost some bets on races one through six. And the big one, Race 7? I nailed it!! Granted, I put bets on several horses, but as the race neared, I settled more and more on Shocking as my singular pick. And Shocking did it. Unfortunately, that means that the other five or six horses I had money on didn't do it, so on the day, I broke just about even.*

*This "breaking even" thing doesn't exactly count the whole day, which included an evening jaunt to the casino during which I very much did not break even. Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, not even remotely close to even. Let's move on.

The spectacle

Attendance on the day was 102,000 people, which I think is the largest crowd I've ever been a part of. But because we weren't in a circular stadium in which you could see everyone else, it didn't really feel like there were 102,000 people there. Not even close, really. If I had no knowledge of the day or the race, I very well may have guessed that the attendance was something around 40,000.

Regardless of how big I perceived the crowd to be, it still felt like a huge event. There was a buzz on the train heading out to the track. Everyone was dressed up. Each woman was seemingly trying to outdo all others with her hat. The lawn for general admission was absolutely packed. The vibe, even when we arrived at 10:45, was downright giddy. And that giddyness increased even more so as the day progressed, as more alcohol was consumed, as the anticipation increased. So when it came time for the big race to start, just after 3, we were ready. We were very ready.

The race

I'd (kinda) done my reading. I'd placed my bets. I'd secured my viewing spot. And at just after 3, the 2009 Melbourne Cup started.

One thing about the Melbourne Cup. It's long. LOOOOOOOOOONG. At just a shade under two miles, it's half a mile longer than the "long" Triple Crown race, the Belmont Stakes. So even after the race starts, you need to control your emotions. Settle in. Don't get too excited. At least not too early.

What pretty much makes this impossible, however, is that the horses run by you twice: once, right after the start, and then again, as they come down the stretch. So when they flew by us that first time, we all lost it. This is what we've been waiting all day for!! WOOOOOO!!! But then they were gone. And we waited. Sure, we could see the race on the big screen, but it was pretty hard to make out who was in what place, and it was absolutely impossible to hear the call of the race, not above the noise of the crowd.

Eventually, the horses rounded the last turn towards the finish and headed back to us. And as they passed us, about 100 meters before the finish line, there was Shocking leading the way! And there went Shocking to keep the lead right to the end!!!

Everyone went wild.* Some people may have had Shocking, most probably didn't, but it didn't really matter. We'd all just watched the Melbourne Cup. And it was good.

*The "everyone" excludes Maz, who was feverishly trying to figure out if he'd hit his trifecta. It wasn't until he actually went to the betting window, presented his ticket and received several hundred dollar notes that he was convinced that he'd won.

The post race

There are 10 races on Melbourne Cup Day. And for the most part, people not only got into the big race but the preceding six races as well. The last three races, however? My lord... after the big race, it was like the Plague had descended on the track. Blink, and everyone was gone. And the seagulls swooped. Oh yes... the seagulls swooped.

After watching a race or two more and drinking some of Maz's winnings, we made haste as well, back to our hotel and then onto the casino and the city.

The next day

Noise. Yeah... noise.

LOUD NOISES!!!

This is what I awoke to the next morning. As they ripped apart the parking lot outside our hotel room. I mean that as literally as possible. The concrete that was in the parking lot the day before? It was no more. At 8 in the freaking morning. On the day after the Melbourne Freaking Cup.

So, yeah. The day didn't start out so well. And it really didn't get any better. Maz, Joanne and I wandered around the city, first on a failed attempt to go to the Coffee Bean that I'd found on a prior trip, then on a failed attempt to go to the hotel that Maz was staying in that night. But we finally got to the hotel, collapsed for an hour, and then I was off to the airport.

I was miserable. I felt disgusting. But I'd been to the Melbourne Cup. And it was good.

You know how I enjoy throwin' some Kleinballs?

I feel like there's some Andy Rooney-ness to the cadence of this post. Imagine he was reading the below to you. Perhaps you'll get more enjoyment out of it. Or not. Anyway.

You know how I said I was gonna learn everything there is to know about the Melbourne Cup? Yeeeeaaaaaahhh, it's looking like that isn't gonna happen. But I'm semi knowledgeable at the moment -- just placed my first bet, $5 on Roman Emperor -- and have some reading material for the flight down to Melbourne tomorrow.

You know how I said Pedro was gonna get torn apart by the Yankees in Game 2 of the World Series? Yeeeeaaaaaahhh, didn't quite happen. Kind of some middle ground there. Although 3 ERs in 6+ IP at Yankee Stadium... if you're a Phillies fan, I think you have to be happy with that from 2009 Pedro Martinez.

You know how I said the Angels would win the World Series? Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh, clearly na ga da. I just pray the Phils can pull something off here.

You know how I beat a very consistent drum about Joe Posnanski being a great freaking writer? Yeeeeeeaaaahhhh, I'm still right on that one. He's done it again, this time on Derek Jeter.

You know how it's been a 14/17 hour time difference between Sydney and the East/West Coast of the US? Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh, just an FYI with Daylight Savings Time, now it's 16/19.

You know how I'm going to Melbourne tomorrow? Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhh, I should probably pack for that and then get some sleep. Good night, Planet Earth!

Jumping into the deep end

For the majority of the time that I lived in New York, I worked for an advertising agency that counted two of the racetracks in New Jersey (Meadowlands Racetrack and Monmouth Park) as clients. Great clients. Some nice perks. And I worked hard for them. But one thing I never did, one thing I never fully committed myself to, was to really immerse myself in the experience and learn about the horses, the track, the place. I just worked for my clients and tried to help them bring more people to the track. And sure, when I went out to the track myself, I generally had a good time.*

*One aspect of the races that has never led to good times? The betting. I've won a few bets here and there, but I've never left a racetrack up. Never. This has haunted me nearly as much as my failure to catch a ball in the stands at a professional baseball game.

I don't know if regret is the right word, but I've always had this lingering sense of disappointment that I didn't get into the racing more. It would be interesting, right? Learn about the horses, the trainers, the owners, the jockeys. How they all have a hand in shaping the journey, how they all have so much invested in the races. There are some real stories there, which we might occasionally hear about during the Triple Crown or perhaps in a movie like Seabiscuit. Part of me always wanted to really immerse myself in that, if even for one day.

Well, that day has come. As I said in my last post, I'm going to the Melbourne Cup in just over a week. So I've committed myself to learn everything I can about the day: the race, the preceding races, the horses, everything. I'm going to walk to the track next Tuesday with some serious knowledge. Who are the favorites? What bets offer the best value? What's each horse's handicap? How have the horses fared in previous races? How have they fared in races run in similar conditions? I'm gonna know it all. I'm gonna take the Melbourne Cup by storm. And by the end of the day, I'll be making a pose similar to that guy in the photo.*

*Or more likely, not at all. My streak of leaving a racetrack down will undoubtedly continue. But at least I'll have fun. I think. Hopefully.

Throwin' some aimless Kleinballs

It's strange. For me, writer's block is usually accompanied by a certain sense of complacency towards wanting to write anything, anything at all. I have nothing to write about, and I don't care to write about anything. And historically, that has generally sorted itself out; one day, the urge (and content) strikes me. So I write.

With my current bout of writer's block, however, I really do want to write. Yet I feel like I have nothing to write about. That's not to say that I have nothing going on in my life -- I'd like to think I've been keeping myself pretty busy recently -- it's just that the urge isn't striking me. Who knows.*

But I've had enough of this. I'm just gonna write. We'll see what happens. I guess it's some sort of ill-conceived, haphazard throwin' of some aimless Kleinballs. Not that they're not all like that, anyway.

*Upon rereading these last paragraphs, it occurs to me that I think I DO know what's going on: Twitter, and the Twitter-ization of Facebook. Before those two platforms, blogging was the best way for me to broadcast my thoughts, my ramblings, my HILARIOUS takes on life. But now... well, they say that Twitter is "micro blogging". For a while I didn't really grasp what that meant. But I think I do now, and they -- whoever THEY are -- are absolutely right. I have a funny thought? Twitter. I've come across a link I want to share? Twitter. I want to randomly share the opening line of All Along the Watchtower? Twitter. And then there's Facebook doing all it can to imitate Twitter's success.

Put it all together, and Twitter and Facebook are cannibalizing the content for this blog. Do I therefore need to redefine how I use this space? Maybe. And it might necessitate the cessation of the Kleinballs series. Because if anything was suited for Twitter, it's those little thoughts that don't deserve a whole blog post on their own. But let's not let this ruin the moment; for now, the Kleinballs live!

Went 3-for-4 on my picks for the divisional series of the playoffs. And glad that the one series I was wrong on was the Dodgers! Although I'm still really wary of that starting pitching. Looks like the offense is getting it together, but you can only put so much trust in a rotation of two incredibly inconsistent, young guys and two old farts that are using smoke and mirrors.

For those of you out there who like your statistics represented visually, Information Is Beautiful is a great blog that I've been reading for the last few weeks. Especially like the visualizations for caffeine and calories, the death of the music industry, the walled world, time travel in popular film and TV (takes a few minutes to wrap your head around that one, but well worth the effort) and how safe is the HPV vaccine. The guy who does the blog also has a book out now... I'd get it but for the fact that I don't have a nice coffee table to let it collect dust on.

You may remember my posts about the Melbourne Cup the last two years. And while I still haven't grasped why this race holds so much cultural significance, I've stopped trying to figure it out and have just accepted it as fact. It's really a HUGE day -- think the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont all rolled into one -- and in no place more so than Melbourne, where it's actually a public holiday. So this year I've decided to go! I fly down on Monday morning, go to the race on Tuesday, then fly back on Wednesday. I'm pumped. Much more to follow, I'm (kinda) sure.

The Socceroos -- that would be the nickname for the Australian national soccer team, of course -- played the Netherlands in Sydney on Saturday to a nil-nil draw. It wasn't a very exciting match.

That is all.

Throwin' some Election Day Kleinballs

Today was, and is, a big day.

Today was a big day because in Australia, the Melbourne Cup was run! As I so eloquently explained in my post about the race last year, this is a national event. Everyone stops what they're doing, loses their mind for an hour or two, gets boozy, places bets on horses that they hadn't heard of half a day earlier, watches the race, and then life goes on. Anyway, some horse won, I didn't win any of my bets, and that was that.

Today is a big day because in the US, there's a bit of an election. I doubt I need to tell you this. And I also doubt I need to tell any of the brilliant readers of this blog to get the hell out and vote! Even if the vote won't make a damned difference, like my absentee ballot in New York State, which likely will never even be taken out of its envelope.

For some election-related chuckles, have a look below at the wording of the headline above the picture of Sarah Palin on the front cover of Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald. And for a few more giggles, have a read of the accompanying article, and pay particular attention to how they quote poor Glenda Hock starting in the sixth paragraph.


A belated, but huge congrats to the Phillies for winning the World Series! I ended up running out of work for the last inning or two to watch from a sports betting office, and when they sealed the deal, I found myself standing there with a huge grin on my face. I couldn't be happier for the people of Philly. And for the rest of the country, just be happy to know that the apocalypse has been avoided.

I've seen two movies of note on cable in the last few weeks: Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Sleuth. The former was hilarious. I hadn't so much of heard of the movie whenever it came out, but I was very pleasantly surprised. The latter? Let's just say that if you ever have the opportunity to watch it, just run. Turn around and run.

In other Aussie news, the country is currently hosting the Rugby League World Cup! Although to be honest, this shouldn't interest you or anyone outside of Australia. Because the history of past winners of this World Cup, with Australia unfairly demolishing the competition, reads like the history of Ivy League men's basketball champs from 1958 to 2007, when Penn and Princeton reigned supreme. In fact, this might be the most one-sided international tournament out there, and I think the case could be made that it would be even more one-sided than a theoretical international World Cup of American football. Good stuff!

Watching horses for the sake of watching horses

The Melbourne Cup was run on Tuesday, and in Australia, unless you live in the outback and your only companion is your pet dingo, everyone was all too aware of this. Since I arrived here in the middle of September, I’ve been seeing ads for Melbourne Cup Day brunches, Melbourne Cup Day bar specials, Melbourne Cup Day outfits and Melbourne Cup Day Steve Irwin bobble head dolls. That was eight weeks ago. And finally, mercifully, on Tuesday, it happened.

What happened, you ask? Well, there was a horserace. And it was huge. Everyone in Melbourne got the day off. In Sydney, from 1pm to 3:30pm, work came to a halt. We had a company lunch. There was free beer and champagne. For others, they simply took the day off. In the streets, men wore their Sunday best and women wore dresses and crazy hats. People poured into bars. They entered into Melbourne Cup sweeps, where you pay a flat fee and pick a horse out of a bag. If your horse wins, you win the pot. And all of it, it was exciting.

Why, exactly, was it exciting?

Ummmm, yeeeeaaaaahhhh... Three days later and I’m still not sure. Because the second I began asking questions, there were no answers. Who’s in the race? Very few people could name more than a horse or two. What’s the purse for the race? No one knew. Do you ever go to the races? No, not really. What kind of bets do you like to place? (Blank stare.) Then why in God’s name is this such a big deal? The most common answer? “Because it is.”

My suspicion is that a lot of this has to do with Australia's lineage with England, which is a whole different subject. Did you know that the Queen technically still rules Australia? That if she felt like it she could dissolve the government and take over? This really complicates the Anglo-Aussie dynamic and makes it a little confusing to the outsider. But for the purposes of my argument here, suffice it to say that things are often done here because they are (or were) done in England. Hence the "Because it is" response to my query about why the Melbourne Cup is such a big deal.

Anyway, the race was run and a horse won. And within two hours of the completion of the race, I had already forgotten what the name of that horse was. And I’m willing to bet that 80% of the Australian population doesn’t have a clue either. But it was fun, so there's that.