Nursing my hangover on Saturday, I got a hankering that I've had about 15,483 times before: I needed to watch some Rocky IV. And fortunately, one of my housemates has the five-disc set,* so I popped the fourth installment into the DVD player, "accidentally" threw the fifth installment out the window, closed the blinds, turned off the lights, wrapped myself in an American flag and had at it.
*I've probably come across at least three or four "collector's editions" or "anniversary editions" or "so-and-so editions" of the five-disc Rocky set, and I wouldn't be surprised if a few more were floating around out there. And now, with Rocky Balboa, it's clear we're on a collision course for at least another three or four iterations of the six-disc set. Which makes me think: between that and the latest Rambo... well, that's some moola for Sly.
Although this was my 15,484th viewing of the movie, I had a few thoughts that hadn't occurred to me before. So why not air them here?
1. The black trainer. No, not Duke. Duke is great. Duke is Duke. I'm talking about Drago's black trainer. I have to believe that I've noticed this before, but really... a black trainer in communist Russia??!?
2. The robot. Like Duke, we all know and love the robot. But going into this viewing, I realized that I knew nothing of the robot. Who is she? What are her dreams? What are her demons? I didn't know. So I made a conscious effort to pay extra close attention to her scenes. And now that I've done so, I have to say: uhhhh, what??? Honestly, what the HELL??!? Sly (also the director) straddled a very undefined line between some random toss away joke and a creepy, semi-romantic subplot between Paulie and the robot. Yes, the first appearance during Paulie's birthday was funny, but then she shows up again... and again... and again! And just when you think that she's going to be a character running throughout the whole movie, Paulie jets off to the USSR and she's no more! I get the sense that a few more scenes with the robot -- and in case anyone cares, IMDB says her name was Sico the Robot -- were left on the cutting room floor, because as the movie's currently constructed, it just doesn't make any sense. So my demand to Sly is simple: give us the deleted scenes!*
*And what a better time than now for Sly to get on it, seeing as we're going to be hit with five different versions of the six-disc set in the next decade!
3. The training montages. The staple of any Rocky movie. And again, I'm hoping I've noticed this before, but Rocky IV features not one, but two training montages... both within half a minute of each other! First Rocky gets to the Soviet Union and trains his ass off. There's music. There's Drago. There's sweat. There's running. I'm excited. And as the montage ends and Rocky is coming back to the cabin, Adrian is there waiting for him. They embrace. And then, literally without any further delay, we get another montage!!! And there's more music. There's more Drago. There's more sweat. There's more Rocky running, this time to the top of a frickin' mountain, from where he screams, "DRAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" And I'm more excited!!! And I just can't hide it!!! I can't stop using exclamation marks!!! Just because Rocky IV has two training montages within thirty sections of each other!!! Amazing.
What new discoveries await me on my 15,485th viewing of Rocky IV, which is sure to happen in the next three months? Who knows. And that's what makes it sooooooo good.
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