AIM: An obituary

Sunday was a historic day for me. A day of introspection, of retrospection, of... of... nah, can't think of any more applicable "spection" words. Anyway. As I did some housekeeping on my computer, deleting old files and uninstalling programs I don't use anymore, I came across AOL Instant Messenger.

At first, my eyes wandered past it. But then I paused. I realized that I hadn't used AIM for months. Years, maybe. I looked back at the program. I stared at it. I contemplated. And after a minute or so of back-and-forth internal debate, I did it. I did what a short few years ago I would have considered absolutely unfathomable, perhaps even blasphemous: I uninstalled AOL Instant Messenger.

AIM: You were good -- nay, you were great -- to me. Let me count the ways.

One. We grew together. As you gained popularity as just one part of the larger AOL program, I started to use you with increasing frequency in high school. And then when you proclaimed your independence and went off on your own (leaving the rest of the short-lived AOL empire to wilt away), so did I go off on my own in college. And for those four years, you were an integral and very necessary part of my life. Hell, my whole college experience could probably be told through conversations that I had using you.

Two. You carried the torch of my "vhing9" screen name,* and you represented it well. That name became a part of me; to many, it defined me. Now, with this final nail in your proverbial coffin, so too do I place a nail in that of vhing9's.

*What a supremely random screen name. When I first started my account, I was obsessed with Ving Rhames. I knew there was a random 'H' in his name somewhere, and erroneously thought that it was in his first name. So I tried to get the screen name "vhing". Preposterously, this was taken, so I tacked my favorite number onto the end.

Three. The away messages. Oh, the away messages! The hours I devoted to coming up with witty things to say -- just to elicit maybe two or three responses from people -- is incalculable. And during my peak years with you, no notable quote from a friend, a movie, a TV show, a book, a newspaper column or a song would escape my notice.*

*Some of my favorites:

• "How could it be boron, you goddamned moron??!?!" -- an irate Paul Slocombe to a scared Todd Fasen
• "He's probably the least qualified person ever to be nominated by a major party... What is his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?" -- Ronald Reagan on George Walker Bush
• "It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination." -- Clerks
• "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -- Barb Bush
• "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you." -- Silent Bob

That's what you meant to me.

Of course, you weren't just special to me; you were a gift to the world. For it was you who championed the instant messaging revolution, and that has opened the doors for so many Internet innovations that have followed. Without you, there might not be Gchat. Or Facebook chat. Or Twitter. Or Skype. We'll never know for certain what new programs and technologies you inspired, directly or indirectly, but it's safe to say that you certainly had an impact on a vast majority of them.

For this, you belong in the Pantheon of revolutionary and influential web programs, somewhere after Mosaic (generally credited as the web browser that set off the explosion of the Internet's popularity) and before Napster.

But now it's over. I've moved on. The world has moved on. There are so many more ways to communicate, so many more efficient ways that are much more integrated into my daily life. But I won't forget you; you will forever be part of my personal history and live in my conscious.

RIP, AIM.